Kevin's horoscope is a black guy ripping off his toenail.

So Kevin decides to make a daily booth. Big whoop. Well, it is for the fbi. But we'll get into that later. Kevin starts by uploading a picture of him holding his cat. He pressed "1-2-3" and by the time it reached 1, the cat was digging its nails into his face. He began to yell and scream for mercy. He ripped out his cats nails, but that ripped off half his face. Clumsily, he hit upload picture and uploaded a picture of half his face missing. When he got a comment, he smiled as the pain intensified. He left his mom's basement and went outside. He was walking past an alley as a big black man shot his foot and pulled poor kevin by the ears deeper into the alley. He took kevin, shoved oxycotin down his throat and slapped him in the face. Kevin begging for help, but he made a typo which caused him to cut himself. A gang called "The moon busta'z" He started puking from the lack of blood caused from his cat. He passed out. He woke up in a strange room, he couldnt quite describe it until it hit him. He was in purgatory. He got up and felt his face. He was healed. Now kevin saw a guy, and asked him where he was going.. The guy told him that he's going to hell because he's Kevin. Kevin got on his hands and knee's, snorted some crack, and begged to go to heaven. The guy simply looked down, said this straight to his face, "Do you want to be slapped across the face?" and kneed him in the chin. Kevin was gasping for air. He didn't know how to get out. He started to feel shaking and looked up. He wasy lying on the floor in his basement surrounded by a puddle of blood. He looked to the left: his cat walking with patches of skin attached to his paws. He looked to the right: he got a new follower on dailybooth. Her name was "Nancyrose" He crawled towards his computer crying and looked at her pictures. It turns out to be his old science teacher. He smiled with joy when he heard his mom stomping downstairs in her old bathrobe holding a broom. She yelled, "WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOIN'?!?! GET THE HECK OUT OF MY HOUSE! I DON'T WANT NO MURDER SCENE!" She approached him with the broom and shoved the back of it down his throat. He was puking uncontrollably as his mom went back upstairs cussing. Kevin just layed there, half-dead wondering if he wanted to meet morgan freeman.... 

Kevin likes...

Kevin likes hammer. Kevin likes stephanie. Kevin likes cocaine. Kevin likes men sometimes. Kevin like having red ears because it gets a lot of girls. Kevin likes T-pain. Kevin likes being kevin. Kevin likes to dougie. Kevin likes to pee his pants. Kevin likes to clean his underwear by licking it. Kevin likes family reunions but they end up bad because he hits on his cousin.. Kevin likes fixing computers. Kevin likes going on chatroulette and getting banned. Kevin likes Reed. Kevin likes to read. Kevin likes puppies. Kevin likes making new friends on WoW and meeting up with them in real life thinkin ghtey are 15 year old girls when they are really 37 year olds trying to kill him and make out with him at the sametime but kevin know karate so he tries to beat them up but they get mad and beat his with rusty chain in his parent's bedroom. 

Grab someone named Kevin, tell him hey.

As kevin was munching on crack-filled blueberrys from his uncle, He realized something. He didnt have a car. Kevin went to the pawn shop, asked for WoW membership cards, peed on the carpet, and ran out of the store with the police right on his tail. He ran in the middle of the road and got hit by a silver pick-up truck. His leg snapped in various directions but all he could think about was..... His dog which he killed for food 3 years ago. He ran home with a broken leg hiding from the cops. After about 15 minutes, he went to the beach. He saw a rock and thought he was a video game character. He ran into the ocean thinking he could breath underwater. His still broken leg, was dangling in the water and a dolpin bit it, thinking it was fish. He was scared to death but he ran out of the ocean, and went home, and checked his facebook. Now kevin knows how to dougie. 

The wind blew...

So there i was. Standing there, with his cocaine tinted breath climbing its way up my nose. I wanted to puke, but at the same time i wanted to give him chocolate. He cranked up his speakers and blasted the naruto theme song. apperently it raises his metabolism. Well little did he know that his converse sneakers were worn down to the bare feet....as he stepped in the pile of broken glass....he shreiked and wondered....what if nicki minaj was his girlfriend? the he realized the glass cut an artery..... he was rushed to the hospital by stephanie and she took a picture of him and posted it as her profile picture. He didnt like it but he didnt care because he was playing clubpenguin. well, lesson learned, better not f with the popo.